I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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