I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
