So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
