return my video game
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
