xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
