Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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