My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
