Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
