Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
