we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
