3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
