I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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