Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
