what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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