I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
