If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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