you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize