Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
