they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
