I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
