The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
