I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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