so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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