its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
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Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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