Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nutella sex= disaster
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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