sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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