Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
