Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
