You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
