I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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