My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
