My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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