Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
