You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think my mom watched the whole time
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
