At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
