So drunk its hurt
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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