Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
