im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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