Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
