It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
