i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
