As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
