I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
