Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
