I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You are the jesus of drinking
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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