how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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