I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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