So drunk its hurt
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
