My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
