i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize