If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
