dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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