Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
