So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
