Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
