So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
