So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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