Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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